this weekend was terrific... way terrific... it wasn't that anything spectacular went on... it just was great... so pull up a chair (you're actually probably already sitting) and let me tell you about it...
friday night i took off for puyallup... i got there about 1 a.m. and was greeted at the door with "find a place to sleep and have at it..." (pretty much) which was awesome... so that's exactly what i did... i went up to puyallup to be "the chicken girl"... one of my friend's sisters got married on saturday... i had never actually met the bride or groom until the day of the wedding, so it was kind of fun... i didn't really know anyone and i got to observe a lot... okay, so, like i said, i was "the chicken girl"... my main responsibility was to get the chicken from the grocery store to the reception - 500 pieces of fried chicken (it was in my trunk and i can still smell it today!)... i also helped out in some other areas (like tying raffia onto mason jars and making road signs to direct the guests to the church)...
anyway - there was a lot that i got to take in at the wedding... (i actually wasn't at any of the service... just the pre-wedding stuff and the reception... i did okay with most of it... at the reception, they had an open mic toast session... i was fine... it was neat to hear how the couple had impacted so many lives... there's other stuff - i actually just typed it all out, but chose to take it off because i probably don't need to go there - but that time was the only time that made me cry - which is kind of funny considering i don't really know them at all... it wasn't necessarily about them - and it wasn't a happy cry... we'll leave it at that... (and no, it's not about singleness in the least!)
so i was watching this interconnectedness (probably the longest word i've used all day) of family and friends... community... it was great... and after the wedding, we went back to my friend's house and a whole lot of people came over and we hung out and watched (part of) a movie before all falling asleep... i met all these random people - and they're all part of my friend's community - they don't all live in puyallup - some live really far away... but they all grew up together and know each other's lives and backgrounds... the bride and groom had known each other for years... i long for that kind of community in my life... a huge interconnectedness of people... i know a lot of people - in lots of random places... but i am longing for this sense of home and wondering where i'll find it... (which is part of what i left out before)
(i promise i'm going to sum up some of this a little later... but for right now, i'll get on with the story... i'm already to sunday!)
i went to breakfast with some of the "community," which was wonderful... random people i've never met before sharing lives... i love that kind of stuff... and my friend and i dashed (while we both put on make up in the car, which was extremely funny to all those watching... (actually we did this on the way to breakfast... my bad) to church for the youth service, which was awesome... then we went to a different friend's house (this one i actually knew...) and hung out for a while... after a little while, i took off to meet yet another friend in tacoma... she lives in portland and we were going to follow each other back...
we met up at the mall, so that we could grab something to eat... and then we decided to walk around the mall for a little while (just to not have to get back in the car...) and we found this very fun store with all kinds of things that appeal to girls... lots of jewelry and just fun girl stuff... and we bought jewelry for each other and then we went to other stores and looked around and ended up going to nordstrom's where we got cappucino to go with our free truffles while we looked at cute home decorations... we have very similar tastes, and it was fun to look at stuff... and kind of daydream for that home that i long for... with cute stuff in it that feels like me and feels normal and feels like home...
so then, we headed south on i-5... and i talked to my mom for almost the whole drive... which was awesome... the times are so rare that mom and i can just talk about tons of stuff with enough time to actually talk... it was so good for my soul!!! i have the most incredible mom... and she loves me a lot!! :)
so we get back towards vancouver, and my friend calls and says that grilled cheese sandwiches at boppin bo's sounds so good... and i agree... (it's this little 50's-esque restaurant/diner really close to where i work - across the parking lot - but i never go...) so we head to boppin bo's... and i kept doing weird stuff - like saying weird stuff or snorting from laughter and it never fails that every time i would do something dumb... the waiter would walk up... like i was imitating natalie portman in garden state when she does her "original" move/noise/dance - whatever it was... complete with sounds and arms flailing... it made for an interesting evening... we were there past closing and i think they let us stay around more for entertainment value than anything else... then i went to play pool and randomly, the waiter showed up at the pool hall - i didn't mention anything about going to play pool when i left there... it was strange... i left quickly after that (after we finished that game) and went to pretend to study but not get any studying done before class this morning...
so... ultimately my synopsis from this weekend is that i'm desiring this "home." i don't know exactly where it is or what it looks like - but i have felt what it feels like... it's the feeling i get when i've had a long conversation with my mom... or i've just spent an entire meal laughing with a friend... or when i've been around people who know each other so well... or when i sit around the table at the house where i live when everyone is home at dinnertime... or when i talk to my brother and we understand each other in a way that few other people do... or when i can sit and just be with other people... whether i know them or not... the way it feels when i have called amy at 3 a.m. crying and i get off the phone at 5 a.m. laughing...
the main problem with this is... i don't really have a place to call my own right now... and maybe that is what i want... but i don't think that is the complete solution... i think i'm ready to feel settled... to the point where i kind of half way know what i'm going to be doing and where i'm going to be living more than a few weeks ahead... and i know a lot of other people who are in the same boat... i don't understand this unsettled feeling but i hate it... in the midst of loving it... i know that i will never get this time back and it's a time when i'm so much more aware of what is going on... i kind of like the feeling of fluidity... but my heart longs for more... i don't know if it's a heaven thing - maybe i won't feel settled this side of heaven... and that may be true... but i don't think so right now... i think i could feel more settled that i do right now... maybe i won't have complete contentment in it... (and maybe i won't ever) but i think there's more than this...
this weekend i pulled out a great cd... i remember at this exact time last year (maybe a few weeks later in the year - but in the fall, i'm sure) that i pulled out the same cd and it feels like where i am now... so maybe it's part of my fall soundtrack... i know - i've got you on the edge of your seat... best of simon and garfunkel... but to go hand in hand with what i've been dealing with lately, a song definitely hit home... no pun intended...
I'm sitting in the railway station.
Got a ticket to my destination.
On a tour of one-night stands
my suitcase and guitar in hand.
And ev'ry stop is neatly planned
for a poet and a one-man band.
Homeward bound, I wish I was,
Homeward bound,
Home where my thought's escaping,
Home where my music's playing,
Home where my love lies waiting
Silently for me.
Ev'ry day's an endless stream
Of cigarettes and magazines.
And each town looks the same to me,
the movies and the factories
And ev'ry stranger's face I see
reminds me that I long to be,
Homeward bound, I wish I was,
Homeward bound,
Home where my thought's escaping,
Home where my music's playing,
Home where my love lies waiting
Silently for me.
Tonight I'll sing my songs again,
I'll play the game and pretend.
But all my words come back to me
in shades of mediocrity
Like emptiness in harmony
I need someone to comfort me.
Homeward bound, I wish I was,
Homeward bound,
Home where my thought's escaping,
Home where my music's playing,
Home where my love lies waiting
Silently for me. Silently for me.
i just don't know where to head to be homeward bound... that's the problem... BUT... at the same time... i am learning and growing so much more in contentment of my Daddy... which is a good thing... like i feel "okay..." which is a huge thing for me... because a lot of the time i don't feel "okay"... like i'm fine with where i am... it's going to be all good... everything is going to be a-okay... it's just the waiting part i don't like... "
what's next?" looms in my mind... but i'm sure it's all gonna work out... i don't know... i don't have all the answers... just thoughts, followed by ellipses(...)...
here's the quote of the day... 500 points...
"Why does every want to go away? I love being home. But I don't like being left behind. Now I am the one going ahead. I am not afraid. I can be brave like you. But I know I shall be homesick for you, even in heaven."
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